AHHHHHH…spring
It’s that time of year. The sun is shining, the flowers are blooming, the temps are rising and the leaves are bursting out from the trees. Which means the pollen is FLYING. It’s so frustrating to read my friends facebook statues when they go on and on about how much they love the weather and how lovely and warm it finally is. In fact several people have been hidden from my news feed because I just don’t want to hear it.
I’d love to say “pollen be damed” and live my life as I want to. But I can’t. No matter how many meds I take the slightest pollen exposure makes me miserable. To make matters somewhat worse my misery isn’t always obvious to other people, it’s good because I can easily hide it, but at the same time I feel like it’s hard to ask people to make accommodations for me because I don’t look miserable. It’s sometimes hard to believe that things are going on that you can’t see.
In the last 2 weeks I have had one day that I didn’t have allergy issues. 1 day. And on the that day I didn’t go outside at all. I stayed safe in my house and didn’t go anywhere. I didn’t even take the trash out or get the mail. The next day I walked to my car and immediately was having allergy issues. And it’s early in the pollen season, I fear what is coming the rest of April and May.
As I mentioned in another post, one of the biggest effects my allergies have on me is that they rob me of my social skills. The slightest frustration can drive me to tears. Something not going my way can lead to hysterics. Things that might be funny are suddenly not funny. Good natured kidding among friends becomes personal. It doesn’t matter that I know no one is trying to hurt my feelings. I know that it’s just a joke, but I can’t convince myself of that. I know that I have skills and tools to get through bumps in the road, but suddenly I can’t muster them up. When things are really bad, I feel trapped by my circumstances, unable to find a way out. No one can see this, I work hard to maintain self control and not burst into tears in public or scream and stamp my feet when I just can’t handle it anymore, but it’s hard. It’s super hard. I don’t understand why this happens to me. I don’t understand why my allergy symptoms are so different from what you read about or what is traditionally understood as allergy symptoms.
But usually, these feelings only last a little while. I can usually get things back under control by taking all my extra meds, getting a shower, hiding from people, and staying home. The best cure is to avoid being outside at all. At all. Easier said than done.
Next weekend I have been invited to attend my “niecelet’s” (she’s not my “real” niece, but she calls me Auntie) 1st birthday party. I recently found out that the plan is to make it a cook out. uh-oh. Do I not go? I don’t like that option. Likely there will be people hanging out inside, but I know my friend - if it’s warm out all the windows will be open - inside will have the same pollen issues as outside. I can’t demand that the whole party be inside - that’s just not fair. I can’t make other people sacrifice enjoying the lovely spring weather just because it makes me miserable. So until I perfect my rain dance and make it make is rain on command, I guess I take tons of meds and suffer in silence.
This Wed my class is scheduled to go on a field trip into Washington DC. This trip will require traveling by un-air conditioned school bus (even if the bus has AC they aren’t allowed to turn it on until it’s really hot) - which means all the windows will be open and having a picnic lunch on the National Mall. I could request not to go. I have done that in the past - another teacher takes my kids and I stay at school and do the other teachers job, it’s fun but I want to experience the field trip with my kids. So again, I’ll load up on meds and go, fingers crossed that the rain thing works.
The whole spring is riddled with moments like these. Moments when what I want to do, what I need to do, what has to be done makes me miserable and there’s only so much that can be done about it. I try really hard not to complain, but even that’s hard at times, I feel like it’s all I can think about sometimes.
If I could have my way I’d lock all the doors and hibernate until Summer.
